Why Come to Couples Counselling?
- Have you and your partner become more like roommates than lovers?
- Do you spend more time arguing about money than making plans and actually doing the activities you like to do?
- Has infidelity driven a wedge of distrust and guilt between you and your loved one?
If so, you’re not alone. In 2008, it was estimated that 41 per cent of marriages will end in divorce before the 30th year of marriage, an increase of 36 per cent from 1998. In 2010, family law cases accounted for approximately one third of all civil court cases in Canada, and divorce and other family dissolution cases made up the majority of family law cases.
But even when relationships don’t end in divorce, there are many reasons for couples to seek counselling. The inability to communicate, issues that partners can’t agree on, stress, change, infidelity, alcoholism, abuse and other problems all have an undeniable impact on relationships.
Couples counselling does help.
Through learning new ways to reconnect to each other by learning to listen and communicate, by confronting problems head on, and by discussing differences in helpful, nondestructive ways you can strengthen your relationship and become close and intimate again.
I often hear from couples who are lost and in despair, who are frightened that their relationship is beyond help. Their communications have broken down, trust has eroded and sex is nonexistent. I also frequently counsel couples who may be facing a specific crisis together and want the aid of a professional counsellor.
Whatever state your relationship is in, I believe a strong team approach is needed to get quick results. I am always involved in the session and will honestly communicate to you what I hear you are saying.
There are not any simple “cookie cutter” couples counselling solutions.
In my practice, I put people before problems, as relationship problems are as unique and complex as each couple seeking counselling.
When a couple brings an open mind and heart looking for real change, then your counselling sessions with my facilitation become a safe place where your hurts, disappointments and fears can be talked about and changed without judgement or shame.
What to Expect
• identify negative patterns that are hindering the quality of your relationship.
• learn how to stop blaming each other so you can work through problems without power struggles.
• recognize the cause and effect patterns in your relationship.
• learn to hear what each other is saying, what the other person means and what they want in the relationship.
• learn how to bring up painful and frustrating issues without dredging up the past.
• focus on resolving irritating behaviors rather than emotionally attacking one another.
“Barbara, listen: in the past few years we’ve been to three counsellors before we came to you and I want you to know that you are the first counsellor that really does take the time to find out who we both are individually and as a couple. In the counselling sessions, you not only listen but you really hear what I am saying. You get me. ”
– B.J., Coquitlam