Partner Cheating

Affair – A Crime Of the Heart

Call it what you may; infidelity, cheating, an affair or extra marital affair—a betrayal of the heart.

Very few situations in this world stir a person’s passions more than the discovery of a cheating spouse.   Rage, numbness, paralysis, fear, and unending pain can bring a halt to one’s normal life.

This is certainly one of the most challenging issues a couple can face. The depth of pain experienced by the partner who was cheated on can be excruciating and unrelenting.

Also for the person who did the cheating an all encompassing shame becomes a constant emotional companion—that won’t leave.

For those who are not able to move past this transgression, it can represent the death of the relationship. The breach of trust is simply too much for some to bear which is completely understandable.

However, for those who want to move past this event and rebuild their relationship foundation – there is hope.

As a Couples Counselling expert, I take a very strong position regarding cheating.  You are going to need professional counselling—a safe environment where you can come back together emotionally—and heal.

Because of the shame and guilt associated with this issue it is hard to get support, advice, and help from your friends and relatives. And yet without help, your odds are decreased of getting through the maze of recovery in the most expedient and constructive way.

When couples sit down in front of me on the couch in my office, I make it very, very clear that they are about to embark on a difficult but not insurmountable journey together.

Make no mistake–salvaging a marriage/relationship after an affair absolutely takes extraordinary commitment, effort and your time.

Though this is one of the more challenging circumstances to work through in Couples Counselling, the fact that the couple brings themselves to counselling to work on it is a great sign.

A couple dealing with infidelity needs to understand that this is a process and it can take a long time to work through—in counselling sessions and outside the counselling session room.

There is not formula to figure out, “how long?” It will depend on a lot of factors specific to who they are, what transpired, the length of time it occurred and so on.

My job is to find out for sure that both people in the couple believe the relationship is worth fighting for–this is the first and most important step in order for me to help to go forward.

Next, the affair, the betrayal has to be put in the PAST in order to rebuild the shattered foundation of their relationship.

I have to emphasize here for some letting go of the PAST will be a herculean request of you.    Sometimes it is three steps forward, one back, and then going forward again.  I will be there to facilitate your going forward.  For many, this will give new meaning to the expression ‘blood, sweat and tears’.

Initially after discovering that the cheating has happened, typically you will have more questions than answers—here are a few of them that other couples have asked:

• How and when to confront the other person; or, do I?
• How do I care for myself emotionally?
• How do I help my kids cope?
• How do I stop obsessing about the lies?
• How in the world will my partner and I restore the trust back into our relationship?… or….has too much damage happened?

A betrayal of the heart is never forgotten.  The memory cannot be erased, but the act can be forgiven and gradually fade into the background of a strong marriage.

Forgiveness is…. letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.

There is a lot of information on the Internet about cheating and infidelity so I have not included that on this website.   Yes, I could from all the experiences I’ve had with other couples that have come looking for help with a crime of the heart….

However, instead of that, here’s what I offer to you:  Every one of us gets through the tough times because somebody is there, standing in the gap to close it for us.

I am eager to be that somebody who will stand in the gap in your relationship as I have for other couples….. And because they got help their relationships are thriving, stronger.

Together we can work on closing that gap.

Take the next step!  Call to set up an appointment to come in and talk with me.

Let’s begin.   Believe.  Breathe.  There is always Hope.